A perfectionist will not survive motherhood
Do you want to be a successful mom? I know you do and that probably why you fell into perfectionism. I think you already know, however, that you won’t last long trying to live that life. Being a mom is a real struggle and trying to do everything right all the time is just going to make you stressed and miserable.
It does seem inevitable, however, to have the desire to do it all. Perfectionism in motherhood is continual. Some people are natural perfectionists. Other people are lured into becoming perfectionists.
How do you become a perfectionist?
Facebook. Yes, I know you’ve heard this. But Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram, among others, can be the worst place ever for mothers in particular.
For me, there is Youtube and blogs.
You see these women doing amazing things or writing about amazing things but none of them tell you that it took them months to make that craft, or how many times they took the photo before all their kids would stop arguing, whining and just smile.
You don’t see the behind-the-scenes of blogging and that these same women may not be applying their own advice to their own homes consistently. Or how long it took them to get their posts and layout just right. (It does take time but it’s worthwhile if you want to start a blog and generate an income)
These things create a haven for perfectionism in motherhood. You start to think that you too can do everything perfectly, instantly, amazingly all at once!
Let’s get off of it.
The Truth about Being a Perfectionist
Life is not 100% jolly times for anyone.
Stop covering your face with the newest magazine edition. Stop looking at Pinterest-perfect pictures. Stop believing your mom never had a messy house.
Your mom’s or aunt’s recall of their own motherhood might just be a wee bit off.
Perhaps they had easy-going kids (you were such a delight 🙂 Perhaps they had lots of help. Perhaps they have forgotten the days of screaming babies in the backseat and late night vomit clean-ups.
If most of what you are told or see online does not include difficulty or hard-work you aren’t getting the full story. This breeds perfectionism and discontentment with our own lives, about our own capabilities.
Wherever you are getting your information online or off, keep one thing in mind – You are not a perfect person and cannot create perfect children.
It’s great to have goals and priorities. You should, so you can travel along life and gain ground. But don’t let those goals and priorities push the normal limitations of your energy, capabilites and the capabilities of the immature little humans that you guide. I highlight immature to remind you that they cannot handle even the amount of things that you can.
My point: Don’t spend your time trying to do what you see! Don’t spend your time just watching.
Life is going on.
It is overwhelming sometimes and just trying to get laser focus takes days, weeks, months to develop. It’s not very easy but you gotta block out what’s going on for others.
You just gotta let it go.
And even in blocking out others there is trouble because then you can start to feel alone in the journey. Remember to take time with your kids, husband, and family. Take time to talk to friends but not to absorb how they are ‘doing it’ when it comes to motherhood. Take time to create good habits.
While you are getting it together, your own plans and purposes for your family, sometimes you just gotta step back and do more thinking than doing.
If you can stop and look at the sights, the beauty of childhood, and to sit on the floor and play, fabulous!
If you are “most moms” don’t feel bad.
Sometimes you can do just what you can do. Stop thinking you can do more and have more and be more. Just be you! If it’s cereal fine. If it’s bedtime without a bath (after several days) fine.
You might want to read Mom Guilt? 16 Things it’s OK to do in Motherhood
Think of the 80/20 rule.
If 80% of the time you do soups, granola, meatloaf dinners. If 80% of the time you take your kids to the park, the library, the craft events then be satisfied.
MAKE yourself content with it, choose contentment with imperfection. Normal imperfection with limitations on time, energy and resources. Stop when you need to stop and just enjoy being a mom. Yes, sometimes even in the screaming and crying. 🙂
Don’t be fearful of those other moms who have smiling polite children while yours scream at you and lay on the floor kicking because they don’t want to leave storytime. Don’t fear, don’t let MOTHERHOOD intimidate you. It’s OK!
They don’t have it all together. It just
- SEEMS
that way.
And honestly, even if they do have it together, so what? That’s their life, not yours. That’s their children, not yours. That’s their mindset, not yours (even if you want it to be!). Don’t give allowance for feeling sorry for yourself.
You have your own uniqueness and your family is unique. Quirky, but all yours. You don’t have to have family meetings or family nights or Pizza Fridays or Taco Tuesdays. You must find your own groove and many times it’s just you experimenting with what you like and want to do. It takes time to find your groove but you won’t ever find it if you are always looking around at others, judging yourself.
Just relax mom. Life is going on, are you going to jump in or just watch?
Tell me in the comments ways that you struggle with perfectionism.
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