In my blog post Top 2 Alternative Ways of Getting Things Done in the home, I talk about how delegating to your children can majorly impact your homemaking efforts. Here, I wanted to give you a guide of how to get kids to help at home.
This is actually how to go about getting your children to not just help, but to want to help you in the home. Because ultimately, if they help you, you have more energy and time to help them.
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It’s a lovely cycle that you can also explain to your older kids – you never know, it may really influence their thinking. As for your thinking, try to keep in mind that you are the home manager, you are the home executive and those that operate in your home should not treat you as if you are simply a hired worker. You ARE in charge, so let’s take the lead.
Learning how to get kids to help out starts with you Mama, taking care of your responsibilities in the home, as regularly as possible. This is difficult if you are a butterfly mom, but we still gotta try! As we learn some ways of being prepared we can start implementing basic routines and keeping things in order. Dishes, Laundry and Food are the big 3 to regularly keep in order. Find a routine for these, and I highly recommend using the FlyLady system to get started. Once you get an idea of what you are doing and you start keeping up your end of the bargain, even after only a week or two of you working, now it’s time to start including your family.
Now when working with children we have to keep in mind the Four S’s
Start
Small
Slowly
Seamlessly
How to get Toddlers and Preschoolers to Help
Start things out as a game. Sing a song while you work, play music and have fun. Let’s wash dishes together. Give them a small washtub with a small amount of water, lots of soap and a washcloth. Give them their own baby cup, plate, sippy and let them play while you are washing. They actually might wash their dishes, or they may just play. That’s okay, it’s starting small but getting them used to the process in a cheerful way.
Starting slowly means only doing bits of a task at a time and building upwards. My kids think its great to unload their dishes from the dishwasher. My 4 year old loves putting away the utensils because they make ‘click-clack’ sounds.
Let’s tuck in teddy. Make the bed around the teddy. Lets walk the shoes to the shoe to their home (if that’s a shelf, basket, closet or mudroom). Start slow, repeat, and eventually ask them to do the task on their own. Let’s see if you can do it before I count to ten. If they do, celebrate. If they don’t, go and tickle them. Hey let’s play again. Just make sure they understand that this is required of them and it’s fun but it’s also necessary.
How to get Kids 5 years old or older to Help
You must make the transition into them regularly helping. Rewards work great for this group. Perhaps make a chart. But again start small and slow. Know that you probably are going to have to teach them, show them what to do. So ask her to just clean the sink, instead of the whole bathroom. Yes, even with a 14 year old, don’t make a large request. Instead of folding all the clothes in the basket, just fold these 10 items with you (while you are folding). If they do it, then give them a small reward.
Why?
This is new, dissatisfying, and frustrating for someone who is used to doing nothing or at least very little and not regularly. When you assign them a task show them what to do, even if it seems super simple. Every once in a while show them again, or, if they seem to know the task, share in the task with them and still reward them for doing their part. If they want to do more let them and give an extra reward, tell them it’s for initiative. Check here for a list of age-appropriate chores. I highly recommend NOT giving your kids too much to do at one time.
Even once they get in the habit of helping just give them one or two chores a day, along with their routines of hygiene, putting things in their homes and making their beds.
Bits and consistency on your part. I like what FlyLady Kat says, “Inspect what you expect.” I also like ‘work upfront backends in freedom’ but that’s just my own words. I think her’s sound better!
All kids can be lazy or messy sometimes and they all need guidance. But some children are a bit more than others. So for the messy child here are some hints:
- Does all items in your house have a home? Does your child know where each item goes?
- Are you being a good example?
- Are you reinforcing the rules? When you begin too things will get tough but they will learn that you won’t relent and they will follow.
- As you are using the above example of teaching them to regularly help out? Eventually their messes will lessen.
- Pray and talk to your child about the God of order, caring for the possessions He has given and what God says about obeying parents.
- Give it time. But if a couple of months go by and there is no improvement (while mom is being consistent in all the above), consider if there are other issues like emotional needs, mental or health issues, relational problems.
Yet no matter the system you use or the needs your child has, you will need to pray, talk with your children, and if need be instill consequences for stubborn attitudes and disobedience. As you invest less in the yoke of managing the home and invest more in the yoke of serving God by training your children, you will find rest for your soul.
I love this post! I will have my three year old helping with the dishes tonight. He will have so much fun with this.