This Guide to How to be a Stay at Home Mom was originally written in Feb 2020 and updated Feb 2023
According to the Pew Research Center, in 2016 surprisingly 27% of moms were staying at home. That’s nearly the same as it was in 1989! Not only that, but since the pandemic, the number of women interested in how to be a stay at home mom has drastically grown, according to the US Census Bureau.
That means approximately one-third of all moms in the US stay at home.
Millennial moms have led the way, making it culturally cool to be a stay at home mom again.
It’s confirmed that 50% of mothers with kids under the age of 18 prefer being at home simply caring for their family and home. Yep, half of all moms have a stronger interest in their children and family life than in climbing the corporate ladder, increasing their income, status, or education.
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However, if becoming a stay at home mom (SAHM) is such a trend, why does the general perception of this lifestyle still lean towards negative?
There is an overall negative mindset about moms who stay home. Some people call SAHMs lazy, complainers, privileged, emotional and just overall mentally unhealthy.
Being a stay at home mom is challenging from all sides. That’s why I’m writing this uber long article. To banish away the myths, allowing you the information you need in deciding to be a stay at home mom. This guide will really lay out absolutely everything you need to know about how to be a stay at home mom.
Ultimately, your understanding of and the decision to be a mom at home shouldn’t be grounded in stats or others’ opinions. Yes, these things are important to know, however, they shouldn’t deter you. Instead, I hope this knowledge and this article will fuel you to be the best mom you can be regardless of if you are at home or decide to be a working mom outside the home.
This online guide about how to be a stay at home mom is here to make it clear what you need to do for your family, without qualms or guilt riding on your back.
WANT TO READ THIS GUIDE LATER? DOWNLOAD my ebook, So You Wanna Be a Stay at Home Mom? Guide includes all the ideas from this post and more about how to be a stay at home mom.
What is a Stay at Home Mom?
What defines a mom as a Stay at Home Mom? It obviously doesn’t mean that they are home 24/7.
I’m not the only one who thinks that the term is confusing and out of date.
In our modern world, it doesn’t make quite the same sense as maybe it once did. However, I doubt that it ever made sense to label someone with this term.
If you look at it, during the industrial revolution when there was a migration away from farms into factories, it would have been unnecessary to use the term stay at home mom.
Those mothers probably did stay in and around the home almost all the time. She had to because of the duties of life. Canning, gardening, mending, and washing clothes by hand were only the highlights of the work a mother would do.
Life was slower.
Some women see this as not just a lovely motherhood fantasy but as an ideal and obtainable goal.
Honestly, I hate to burst your bubble, but that is not how to be a stay at home mom. Don’t get me wrong, it is completely possible to live this kind of mom life, because being a farm wife is certainly a real and noble task. There are lots of wonderful homesteaders and natural living families. I applaud them and sometimes dream of living like that, too.
However, to be a stay at home mom doesn’t mean you stay at home all the time. It doesn’t mean you cook from scratch, knit, sew or even wash clothes well, while being assisted by your electric washing machine. If you go into it with these kinds of expectations, you will likely be disappointed.
Becoming a stay at home mom simply means that you spend most of your day caring for your child instead of having employment outside of your home. What that looks like is as different as the number of people who do it.
So don’t fall into the myths that arise.
The Myths
Moms at home eat bon-bons (live in pleasure, ease, or laziness)
Moms at home aren’t developing themselves (intellectually stagnant)
Moms at home do not create any income
Moms at home are wealthy
I go into detail on these and other misconceptions in my ebook, So You Wanna Be a Stay at Home Mom? You can pick it up for only $5.99 (intentionally written as a quick read for a busy mom).
Now let’s see some truths about what is a SAHM.
The Facts
Being a SAHM is one of the most challenging things you can do
Being a SAHM isn’t fit for every lifestyle or person
Most SAHMs have a middle income household
Most SAHMs have other occupations than just watching the kids and cleaning the house (volunteering, mom groups, jobs, hobbies)
Recommended reads:
5 Myths about Stay At Home Moms (that I believed while I was working…)
https://fitmommystrong.com/reasons-be-stay-at-home-mom/
About the Schedule: What Do Stay at Home Moms Do?
If SAHMs aren’t just sitting around binge-watching The Chosen, what do stay at home moms do all day?
There are no secret tasks that SAHMs do that other moms don’t. SAHMs do what is expected of any mom:
- Make the Food
- Clean the Kitchen
- Do Laundry
- Wipe Bottoms
- Soothe Sadnesses
- Read Stories
- Order Supplies
- Make the Food again
- Run Errands
- Give Baths
- Say Prayers
- Brush Hair
- Build Castles
- Schedule Appointments
- Make Food again
And so on…
However, some SAHMs are also doing things that are probably not expected or thought much about, like:
Teach life lessons
Teach elementary academics by song
Paying bills and negotiating for a lowing rate
Caring for elderly parents
Caring for sick or disabled people
The reality is that moms have so many things to do, the list never ends. And for moms at home, we can get overwhelmed because everything there is to do stares us in the face all day long.
The best solution is to create a plan and schedule things.
If you only have children under 3 years old, or you just had a baby, I recommend creating routines, not schedules.
My SAHM Schedule (with Photos) – Learn from me!
I talk a lot on this blog about why, but briefly for those of you who are new, you cannot keep a must-do-this-at-this-time schedule when you need sleep and your child cannot do much for himself. If you want to know all the reasons why and how to make this work, here’s my video on how to be a stay at home mom with schedules vs. routines.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSAq_-_1EKA
Recommended reads:
I’m Done Justifying What I Do All Day As A Stay At Home Mom
The Benefits of a Stay-at-Home Mom
There are benefits to living this mom lifestyle, besides just being able to see your baby’s first step and all that yah-yah. That’s great too and gives you something to hold on to, but sometimes those wins aren’t enough to keep you grounded.
They certainly weren’t enough for me.
I questioned if becoming a SAHM was for me, so I hunted for what are the benefits of being a stay at home mom. After getting some ideas from others like myself, I felt encouraged and continued on.
14 Advantages Every Stay at Home Mom Enjoys
That post on the benefits of being a stay at home mom is kind of short and written over 5 years ago. Now that I’ve grown in my motherhood, I’ve learned there are a lot more benefits like:
- Getting to sleep in (or at least, go back to sleep at some time during the day)
- When you don’t get enough sleep, it’s ok if you need to drag through your day (and yes, this is when it’s ok to eat a bon-bon or watch a show occasionally)
- Not having to ask to take the day off when my kid gets sick
- Having a choice of what day is laundry day, what day is grocery shopping
- Timetables are flipped. By that I mean if I want to take a whole day on a home project or a spontaneous trip, (or even just a lazy day with my kid) there are few or no consequences. This opens doors for traveling with your husband because of his work, being able to attend conferences or funerals, and beating the crowds for events or activities. Have you ever had the sled hill all to yourselves?
- Being the one to correct your child’s attitudes in the manner you want them to learn
- Super family bonding action! Go!
- More time to learn a hobby, take a course, become an entrepreneur
- Being available for your extended family, parents or a lonely elderly neighbor
- Creating that foundation of traditions, affirmations, and values your family holds
- Directing your child’s friendships
- Flexibility with time for visiting friends and doing playdates (not just on weekends)
- Flexibility with time for classes, lessons or groups for your kids
- Flexibility with my husband’s work schedule. For years he worked a non-traditional shift, but I was home. It was so nice to have the flexibility in our schedules because I was available.
Want to read more benefits:
10 Happy Advantages Stay At Home Moms Enjoy
Reasons to be a stay at home mom
How to be a happy mum Mum from Down Under
READ this offline anytime by purchasing the ebook So You Wanna Be a Stay at Home Mom? Includes this post’s information and more walk-through of SAHM life.
Enjoying Being a SAHM
Although there are many benefits to being a mom at home, I will admit you don’t recognize them or think about them while you are scooping poop. That’s why I wrote the post, Exactly How to Feel Fulfilled as a Stay at Home Mom, to help moms know how to be a stay at home mom with joy.
Joy is a state of being, while happiness is a condition. When conditions change, it is easy to have sadness or even confusion about your role as mom. But don’t let the condition of your home, your friendships, or your emotions push you out of your joy.
How to Feel Fulfilled as a SAHM Video
Some ways to remind yourself of the benefits of being a stay at home mom are:
Being nice to yourself.
Probably the number one problem for all moms is having time to care for yourself. Be nice to yourself. Take a day off and do the minimum. Take you and the baby for ice cream, watch a movie, take a long bath while baby is napping.
Remember your purpose.
Why did you decide to stay home? What are your motherhood goals? Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, but in any situation, remembering your why will restart your motivation.
Get God.
If you aren’t seeing your purpose and losing joy, it’s probably because you either don’t have God in your life, or you aren’t focusing on Him. God gives us purpose as human beings and certainly as moms, so you need to acknowledge this and seek His purpose. We can find His purpose in His Word (the Bible) and daily prayer. You won’t have anything to fill your cup if all you see is the baby’s needs and your own wants.
Hobbies.
Being a SAHM truly allows you to have more time for hobbies. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but make the best of your time by figuring out what you enjoy doing apart from being a mom and then being creative about how to fit it in your week.
Let Go of Perfectionism.
This is one key that gets swept under the rug. Perfectionism is thinking you can do it all as a stay at home mom or thinking others (whoever they are) think you should do it all. Either way, you are allowing yourself to be robbed of joy. You absolutely cannot be perfect. And you cannot focus on what others, maybe, might think about your mothering.
Recommended reads:
Here on MLO: Bible Verses for Moms
Here on MLO: Perfectionistic Motherhood
27 Mom Hobbies to Start in 2023 – The Hobby Mom
Common Problems with Being a Stay at Home Mom
Before we talk about the challenges of becoming a stay at home mom, I want you to have an open-mind about them. What I mean is, to remember that every situation has problems.
We live in a fallen world, with fallen people. None of us are perfect, plus we all are seeking our own way. We are going to bump into problems no matter if we decide to be an at home mom, a work at home mom, or a woman in the workplace.
Learning how to be a stay at home mom on one income includes a serious look at the challenges.
Some challenges you may deal with are:
- Being home all day (and night) with kids (yep, the very thing you seek to do!)
- Disregard or neglect from friends and previous co-workers
- How to make new friends
- Boredom
- Loss of your parents’ confidence in you concerning your career or financial goals
- Loneliness or Depression
- Financial problems
- Personal Contentment
- Mom Identity Issues
To keep this post from being impossibly long, I won’t unpack each of these. You can read more thoroughly about them in my book, So You Wanna Be a SAHM? However, I want to take a minute to briefly talk about three issues, two of which will influence the outcome of any problem you face.
Loneliness and Depression
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, medical professional or anyone who can give you advice on any mental, medical, emotional or legal issues. I’m just a mom sharing what I’ve learned or experienced, and it may not apply to you. Please read my full disclaimer.
Women who wonder how to feel fulfilled as a stay at home mom are sometimes dealing with deeper mental issues. Baby blues can be a part of it if you’ve just had a baby in the last 6 months, but it could be more serious. If you aren’t feeling fulfilled at home and none of these above tactics are working, you may be dealing with depression.
Don’t doubt that you have postpartum depression, especially if nothing really changes your down mood from day to day and week to week. Postpartum depression can extend beyond the first few months or the first year after the birth of your baby. Stay at home mom depression is something that is real and should be investigated.
If you aren’t sure you have depression or not, it’s still good to do a bit of research, reach out to your ob or midwife, or call for more information from the Mental Health Services.
Friends? What’s that?
You sneak in time to scroll Facebook, Instagram or some other social media. The thought is that you will get a taste of the “outside” world and communicate with other adults. But instead, you end up feeling left out even more, or you run into mom-shaming posts that make you feel less than human.
Recommended reads:
Here on MLO: Loneliness in Motherhood
Mom Identity Issues
One problem that will strongly influence your journey is mom identity issues. This is not just about how to be a stay at home mom, this is about motherhood, period. Perhaps, stay at home moms feel these issues more intensely, because for many it’s a total life change.
Leaving a (culturally) respectable workplace to take on the duties of motherhood can be a jolt.
Your world rocks away from independence and fitting in, and towards thankless duties while navigating a new independence, usually with no guide or mentor.
And if you are a millennial mom and especially gen z’rs, you may have to learn homemaking skills that you never learned at the same time!
Gone are the days of getting up (after sleeping all night), getting ready, rushing out the door -way too early- to a job or to the classroom.
For many, you are no longer known for a specific thing: a Ph.D. student, a nurse, an engineering major, or an administrative assistant. Whatever it is you were, you are no longer.
You will say, “Oh, I was a ____”, or “I used to ____”.
Now, you are a mom.
Now, instead of getting an automatic paycheck to say you are appreciated and doing a good job. You have to convince the ones you are working around to recognize your worth.
“Tell mommy thank you.”
You may feel a sense of defeat by their robotic response that mimics out of obedience. You may question, like I did, who am I? What’s my worth?
All moms, at some level, struggle with this.
Meanwhile, you become so busy tending to your kids and trying to actually get something done around the house that you often drop off doing your hobbies, self-care, and even time with friends.
Friends? What’s that?
You think sneaking in reels or sending out a post will give you some comfort, but it only isolates you more.
The better route is to have a supportive mom group and friends offline to text, call, or visit.
How to Make Mom Friends?
As a SAHM, you need to fight isolation. My pastor used to always encourage us not to be a lone-ranger. And even though he was speaking to the Christian walk, I think it definitely is something to consider for all moms at home.
Making friends can be a bit challenging if you are at home, but it’s certainly not impossible. You can find friends by:
- Joining a gym or dance class while your hubby is home
- Going to MOPs meetings
- Starting your own ‘moms at the park’ meet-up
- Visiting meetup.com and searching for mommy groups
- Visiting the park when other sahms are normally there and saying hi
- Going to library storytimes and being friendly (yes, my introverted friend)
- Regularly attending a local church
- Joining a Facebook group for moms in your location
- Asking your already established friends if they know of any moms who would like to meet up sometime
Recommended reads:
10 Easy Steps to Find New Mom Friends and a Mom Tribe
YOU CAN READ THIS GUIDE on Kindle!
Get the ebook (includes more tips!) So You Wanna Be a Stay at Home Mom?
How To Be a Stay at Home Mom and Make Money
Earlier or later in this journey, most moms (the average mom) will want to know how to make money as a stay at home mom. The switch to being a stay at home mom can be scary if you don’t have a money plan.
But in this post-pandemic world, making money at home is easier than ever! You can hop on your phone and talk to someone halfway around the world in a matter of microseconds! There are tons of ways to make money as a stay at home mom.
Remember the myth about SAHMs being affluent? Don’t assume that if you don’t meet a certain tax bracket that you can’t stay home. You just have to be creative about how to be a stay home on one income and not burden your family.
Here are some tips when creatively earning money. You will run into money scams. There are some serious time-wasting opportunities. Also, keep in mind that some information out there is for people that simply want some pocket change and others are for people looking to make real money from home. Which opportunities will work for you depends on which of those categories you fall into.
Stay at Home Jobs for Pocket Change
These are the types of money-making opportunities that are inconsistent, hard to do, difficult to feel successful doing or provide low pay. I would say almost all of these are definite time-wasting opportunities. Most of these I would only recommend if you just want to occupy your time with something other than games, social media and the baby, but you truly don’t need additional income.
Can you do all of these and they add up to something substantial? Maybe. However, some of these activities may take weeks or months just to make a few dollars, while others will give you a nice lump sum if your efforts pay off.
Renting out your baby gear
Get Cash-back from apps like Ratuken
Garage Sale, Facebook Marketplace and Craigslist (yes, it’s still a thing)
Swagbucks
Sell your clothes with Poshmark
InboxDollars
Real Ways to Make Money from Home
Obviously, by the title, these are the more substantial ways that a stay at home mom can make money. Many of these are flexible that you can do at any time around your kids’ needs, but some of these ways to make money at home will mean adjusting your schedule and having more regimens in your day.
Tutoring for an instrument, a craft or academics
Freelancing
Work from Home Business
Direct Sales and Home Parties
Start a Blog
Teaching English as a Second Language Online
Proofreading, Editing or Transcribing
Data Entry
Creating Cover Art
Graphic Design
Social Media Manager
Pinterest Virtual Assistant
Photographer
Transcriptionist
Wedding Planner
These are just some ways to make money as a stay at home mom. I talk a lot more about that throughout this blog. I just want you to take away that if you need financial support, seek it out and if you don’t, don’t.
As a mom, you don’t have to waste your time with pursuits that don’t matter to you. Time is a commodity, just like money, and we need to be good stewards of both.
Recommended reads:
Best Stay at Home Mom Jobs with No Experience
Consider Having a Stay at Home mom job
How to Work from Home with a Toddler
How to be a Stay at Home Mom and Manage Time
Time management is one of the biggest ongoing issues a stay at home mom battles. In various social media posts, moms express the stress of juggling kids (energy), time and money.
Knowing how to be a stay at home mom successfully means you have to know how to manage your time and resources.
And at this point, I must insert a caveat about time management, and that is balance.
Don’t get me wrong, I love productivity just as much as the next type A mom. I have another whole blog specifically focused on how to organize your life creatively with pretty printables!
But this isn’t about your type A or B tendencies.
The world of the stay at home mom cannot center on getting things done. You have to leave room for kids and doing things with them.
That’s the whole reason you are at home!
Being a go-getter is great, but knowing your limits is even better.
Your life is uniquely yours and with kids, it is ever-changing. You aren’t going to have the house that perhaps your mother or your grandmother had and that’s completely alright.
How to be a Stay at Home Mom and Time Block
To manage your time better at home, start thinking about your day in chunks, making sure to block out time for the kids and yourself.
Everyone already looks at their day as day and night. Many of us see the division of morning, afternoon, and night, but let’s go further.
Think of your day in sections, thinking about what tends to happen in each section. This method is called time blocking. You will have early mornings, mid-mornings, noon, afternoons, evenings, and nights. Here’s an example scenario of time blocking:
Early mornings may look like you are simply sleeping or being awakened by crying, needy children. That time is not productive for you unless you can get some extra sleep.
Mid-mornings could include eating breakfast, getting the kids ready for the day, some light cleaning, playing, or perhaps you leave the house for storytime. This is a busy time and you know you won’t get much done. That’s okay, if you know this ahead of time, you won’t try to jam in working on your new business idea.
At noon, your time block is getting back home for lunch and spending time getting your little guy ready for a nap.
Afternoons tend to be quieter with young children napping, so now you can spend time by yourself. Maybe this means working on your blog or business, maybe this means watching a movie. Depending on how long your child sleeps (and how much you need a nap yourself!), you may be able to divide the afternoon into two areas:
- Online course work
- Folding and putting away laundry
Snacktime may happen right after your little guy wakes up. While snacking, you might briefly play with him, pick up the house together before a little ‘play on your own’ time while you do dinner prep.
The scenario continues on however you might imagine until everyone is asleep for the night.
How to be a stay at home mom includes thinking of your day in chunks. You will start to see more productive times and less productive times.
Do your best to protect those more productive times!
Being a Stay at Home Mom and Avoiding Time Wasters
In order to make the best use of your time-blocking method, you will have to fight distraction and procrastination.
Some of the biggest time wasters, and distractions from your home and from your child, will be:
- Your Phone (texting, apps, videos, etc.)
- Social Media and the Internet
- Friends who don’t understand that you actually have things to do
- Family (same as above)
- Great Opportunities (that aren’t great if they are distracting you from your goals)
- Perfectionistic Tendencies
- Unattainable Goals
- Selfish Ambitions (activities, desires that distract you from your family and home)
How to be a productive stay at home mom is being willing to put into place certain time limits and goals for your home. Goals that you aren’t willing to let go of for your family and your home.
Recommended reads:
https://momlifeorganizer.com/stop-wasting-time-at-home/
https://momlifeorganizer.com/how-to-have-a-productive-day/
https://momlifeorganizer.com/get-important-stuff-done/
What to Consider When Planning to Be a Stay at Home Mom
Reading articles like this makes you a smart mama! You now have in-depth insight (and stats!) on how to be a stay at home mom.
All the main reasons to be a stay at home mom have been laid out, as well as many of the challenges you’ll face.
You now know that becoming a stay at home mom means becoming your own boss. Which sounds great, but it isn’t for everyone.
So how do you know if being a stay at home mom is for you?
I’ve put together a quick-read guide that shares the beauties of being a mom at home, a basic day at home, spiritual and emotional battles, how to decide to be a stay at home mom and more.
I highly recommend you dig into this easy-to-read guide, “So You Wanna Be a Stay at Home Mom?”
FAQS
Is it OK to just be a stay at home mom?
It’s more than ok, it’s the preferred situation of many moms and dads for their families. Being a stay at home mom shouldn’t be seen as a “just” position. It is a position of positivity, of well-being and of strength for one of societies main foundational units – the family. If you are financially stable, it is perfectly alright for your main gig to be caring for your family.
What percent of US moms stay-at-home?
According to Fatherhood.org, 28% of moms stay home full-time.
What is the average age of a stay-at-home mom?
The average age of a stay at home mom ranges from 25-44. A SAHM could be any child-bearing age.
How hard is it to be a stay at home mom?
A survey sponsored by Welch’s in 2020 found that the average stay at home mom with children that don’t leave home daily for school or childcare, works about the equivalent of 2.5 full-time jobs.
Are kids better if mom stays home?
Children who have a parent staying home tend to achieve better academic performance. Some studies say that children experience lower stress levels and have better behavioral and social development. (indeed.com)
How much money do you need to be a stay at home mom?
You’ll have to determine your financial needs, depending on your lifestyle. Start by subtracting your expenses from what you currently bring in (while still employed). To go further, create a detailed budget, plan out future expenses and build an emergency fund.
How do I make money as a stay at home mom?
There are many options in today’s online world. You could work part-time or full-time from home by starting your own business or blog, doing data entry, freelancing graphic design, being a virtual assistant or just applying to positions that are for remote workers.
This is such an in depth look at life as a stay at home mom. Wish I had this guide before I became a SAHM!